(Kevin is a new member of our church who gave his life to Christ this past spring.)
Angry, Lost, and Lonely
My parents were Christians who instilled many wholesome values in me as a child, but I didn’t have a real relationship with God. I questioned my faith and God early in life, but instead of embracing the Bible, or calling out for help, I ended up wandering aimlessly.
I was in middle school when I began a confirmation class at our church. I sat in class with my peers but still didn’t absorb the spiritual truth that I would soon need. Shortly after our class ended, my grandmother passed away. Heartbroken and lost, I began to spiral out of control. Not too long after my grandfather followed her. My anger and bitterness drove me away from the idea of a loving God. I believed that everything that went wrong or caused suffering in the world was the result of a God who didn't care.
I met people with different beliefs, others with no belief at all. I tried to understand the reasoning behind their beliefs in attempt to validate my own. I was too wrapped up in giving my own reasons and explanations for how things were to even realize what was happening to me. I was becoming increasingly sad, lonely, and empty. At times I would find myself washed by waves of depression. I could smile and laugh around friends and family, but when I was alone I felt empty.
I found a new job as a lifeguard. God had His hand on me, even though I was unaware at the time! Shortly after starting my new position, I became friends with a number of the participants. One couple in particular reached out to me and helped me seriously think about my faith. One day Steve asked, "If you died today, where would you go, heaven or hell?" At first I was defensive and not receptive to what these two were trying to do for me. I found myself repeating the same old platitudes when I saw pain and suffering in the world. The difference was that I was beginning to experience guilt for the way I thought.
A year later they asked: "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?" I still hadn't, but not because I didn't want to, but because I believed I couldn't. I was ashamed of everything I had said and done to belittle the works of God. "I'm just a tiny man" I thought. What place did I have to question or even try to explain all that He had done with mankind? I spent a year thinking about it, but I still didn't know how to go about saving my soul. I truly thank God for my mentor and his wife who never gave up on me! I was asked again if I had accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and I said "I really want to." Three days later I asked God to forgive me and surrendered my live to Christ. From that day on my life was changed. I finally stopped running and made the choice to be born again (the spiritual birth). “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17) Like a breath of fresh air I feel as though my life has been renewed! I'm able to appreciate God's love and guiding hand that brought me this far and that will continue to guide me as I grow and move forward on my new spiritual journey.
If you would like to know more, please contact me. Thank you!
Kevin Ware Shinuyami2@hotmail.com